Gideon: Day 1 and 2

Gideon was born on November 12 at 10:16 AM weighing 1 lbs 10.9 oz and was 11 1/2" long.

I was taken to recovery for an hour to wait to go to my postpartum room. I was told they would wheel me into in the NICU so Chad and I could see him before we went upstairs to the room. They didn't want everyone to see him and tell me about him, if I hadn't seen him myself. Talk about torture! I was already on a postpartum floor with no baby in my arms. So, I was thankful Chad and I got to see him first.

He was SO beautiful and tiny!

 I was unable to see him most of the day as my epidural still had me completely numb. He did have a few visitors from our families. Even in the state he was in, we were so glad he was stable! I finally got to see him late that night and I just stared at him for a while. The nurse asked what questions we had and truthfully, Chad said, "What kind of questions should we have?". The pure shock and awe of everything happening had us in a place of not knowing what to think or feel, let alone what to ask.

That night Chad and I got a little bit of sleep. It was the first time I'd really slept longer than 20 minutes in 3 days. I didn't sleep long, but it was better than the no sleep I'd been having!

I awoke early feeling a little better. I wanted nothing more than to spend the day at his bedside. However, we were getting visitors early and throughout the day. So, I knew I'd be seeing him a ton.

Chad's cousin came up in the morning and we got to go see him for an hour!!! The longest I'd seen him yet! I asked questions about the monitors and the different machines. We decided to head back to the room so I could get some lunch and rest. We also had more visitors coming.

About 5 minutes after we got back to our room, we got a call on the room phone and Chad answered. All he said was, "What does that mean? We need to come right now? Okay, we are on our way". He hung up the phone and said,"Let's go!!! Something is wrong with the baby!!!!!". I asked what and he told me he didn't know. So, I put on slippers and we were off to the NICU!

When we got there, life flight was in the room. There were a number of doctors and nurses hurrying and swarming about. One of them had me sit down to fill out paperwork and sign saying I consented to a flight up to Primary Children's Hospital. They explained that he had a spontaneous bowel perforation and would be needing emergency surgery that they didn't perform in the hospital we were at.

Chad asked if he had to just drive up there and they told him he could go with Gideon on the life flight. We were understandably a mess! I don't think I've ever held onto Chad so tight in my life. They gave me a minute to talk to him. I told him he was a strong boy and everything was going to be okay. I told him I loved him and I would see him soon. Then, just like that, my 2 boys were off. I wouldn't see them again for 28 hours!

I think a lot of our family was worried about me because I "turned off" my feelings. I went back to my room and visited with our families. Most left to Primary Children's, which was fine by me because Chad needed all the support he could get! I, on the other hand, wasn't processing what was happening. I didn't feel alive at that point, I was just existing. I spent my time waiting for updates and having our "celebratory meal" with my mom and her friend. I was a basket case. I wanted the time to hurry, so I could go be with my boys.

After a few hours, Chad finally called and said the surgery was complete and went well. He was just waiting to go back and see the baby! A short time later, I got the most amazing picture of our boy!

 I know some wouldn't consider this amazing, but I could finally see his face and know that he was okay!!! He looks exactly like his Daddy in this picture too! I commented that this was like looking at his daddy in a little box.

At 7PM, Chad said he was going to go get some rest and I thought he would call me soon. He didn't call for 12 hours!!! Ha ha! I was so happy he got some sleep because I knew one of us needed it and I was still getting blood taken 2 times a day and medicine every 3 to 4 hours. So, I think I slept 4 hours total that night.

The next morning we talked about discharge and my parent's made a good point. I just had a c-section and I've got tons of stairs and dogs that could hit my incision. So, we talked about it and kind of felt like 1 more day in the hospital would be for the best. I hated that decision, but I could understand how, for me, that would be best.

Chad FINALLY CALLED and I asked how he slept and he said he was asleep the whole time! He was just getting up and then was going to go see Gideon. I told him I would be 1 more night in the hospital and he said that that was the best choice too.

About an hour later, the attending physician came by and asked if I wanted to go home. Then she said something that made even more sense. I was getting out of bed alone. I was walking more than was recommended around the hospital wing and all they were doing for me was handing me medicine. I said, "Get me the hell out of here NOW!!!" I called Chad bawling and told him I was on my way, I just needed to be discharged.

My dad came to help me up to the hospital. I was buzzing around the room packing and getting everything ready. I filled out the birth certificate and discharge papers and then...I waited and waited and waited. From the time I told them I wanted to be discharged to the time I was discharged was about 4 to 5 hours! Ugh...get me the hell outta here was all that was on my mind! My dad had to keep telling me to sit down because I was going to hurt myself. I didn't listen though, I had places to go and a baby (and husband) to see!

About 2 o'clock we were on the road for the 30 minute drive to see my boys. That 30 minutes I remember feeling anxious, scared, excited, and sick. I was just ready to see my baby with my own eyes after so long being away from him. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him it would all be okay. However, I knew that wasn't going to be possible. I knew I'd just be standing there looking at him.

Seeing my husband was the best feeling ever. He was standing there waiting anxiously for me. We hugged tighter than ever before. I was tearing up from being so happy to see him, and of course, all of the things we were going through. I wanted to run to our boy, but I had to check in. I remember feeling so anxious and my nerves had me bouncing up and down.

Once check in was done, it was upstairs to wash up and time to finally(!!!!!!!!!) see the baby!! In just 28 hours he looked so different. He had more tubes, more wires and a perfect little ostomy bag. He was intubated, which means he was on a machine doing the breathing for him. He looked so good for being so small. The nurses said they expected to see a more fragile baby, but couldn't believe how great his skin and everything looked.

I stayed with him for a little while. We had visitors in and out, but I stayed bedside, until my husband said I needed to get some food and rest. I obliged. We went to the cafe and hung out with the family over some dinner. Then, back up to see Gideon one more time before going home.

Leaving the hospital the first night was weird. I left empty handed. There was no baby to get out when we got home. I still had a slightly swollen belly and staples, but my arms would be empty. I remember telling myself that I had to just be strong and "hang in there". 'He'll be out of the hospital in 10 to 12 weeks' I would tell myself over and over again. 'I can do 10 to 12 weeks' I told myself. What I didn't know was that our story was truly only just beginning and that 10 to 12 weeks would turn into a scary, up and down 17 week ride.

Gideon's Birth Story

This story starts years ago! We were actively trying for over 2 years to get pregnant!! I went through so much anger and sadness that by the end of 2014, I was done thinking I would EVER get pregnant. So, we "took a break" from really trying. I told my husband we would see a fertility doctor in June if it hadn't happened by then!

Well, imagine my surprise when I found out on May 22, 2015 that I was pregnant! I was soooo excited that I started a blog JUST for the baby! That didn't last long though. I was busy...working, pregnant, house to clean, prepping for baby to be done and many other things!

My pregnancy wasn't much to talk about, which is another reason my blogging it didn't happen. It was smooth sailing. No real symptoms, no real cravings, no scares at all. Just kind of "boring", I guess. I also didn't show a ton after about 18 to 19 weeks, which I thought was weird, but my OB told me I would probably pop at the end because it's my first baby.

At my 23 week checkup, I had higher than my normal blood pressure. It was something like 135/85. My normal was 114/70. My doctor had fallen and was not in the office that day, but the doctor filling in said to have me come back in 2 days and to take it again. Two days later, it was higher than my normal, but a little lower than before. So, they gave me the list of symptoms and said if any of them popped up to go to labor and delivery. My doctor's RN said, "It's not likely you have pre eclampsia because that happens close to the end, rather than middle of pregnancy. If you do have it though, it's really bad and you have no symptoms". With that, I felt a little more relaxed, but that was all about to change.

I had a check up at 27 weeks and my doctor wrote an order to have me get another ultrasound of baby. I asked if I should be concerned and she said, "No. I just want better pictures of his heart because the last ones weren't great due to positioning.". Again, I wasn't worried. I scheduled the appointment for the next week.

I had a baby shower that weekend. I was 28 weeks 2 days and I didn't look all that pregnant at all! My baby shower was amazing and filled with so much love for our little man! The anticipation for his arrival was in the air and I loved how excited everyone was to meet him :)

Tuesday the 10th of November was the day of my ultrasound and I was excited to see how much my boy had grown!!! I got to my appointment and was brought into the little room with the TV and ultrasound machine. The vibe from the technician right off was odd to me. When she brought him up on the screen he was so cute! Then, she started measuring his femur and it measured 24 weeks. His head one way was 24 weeks and the other was 25 weeks. I asked her why he measured small because I was 28 weeks and 5 days! She told me it was fine and the doctor would come explain everything to me.

Well, the doctor did come explain and the second she walked in, I knew it wasn't good! She told me I had Placenta Insufficiency, Low to No Amniotic Fluid and Severe Pre Eclampsia! The kicker though, my baby was diagnosed with Severe Intrauterine Growth Restriction! She was going to have to send me to labor and delivery and the remainder of my pregnancy would be in a hospital. She left the room so I could call my husband, but my husband ignored my phone call because he was busy at work. I called our friend, his boss, and told him the situation. He hung up on me and called my husband. My husband didn't answer, so our friend got in his truck and started driving to the job site.

What seemed like an eternity, but was really only 5 minutes passed and my husband called me in tears. He asked what was happening and I told him what I had just been told. He told me he wasn't done with the job, but obviously, was leaving and on his way to me.

I finally got into a room, put on my hospital gown and for 20 minutes I sat and I waited. I kept wondering what was going to happen. Would my boy be here tonight, in an hour, in a month, in 2 months? Then, I started to panic, he can't come now! He's too little! Would he survive? Then, my husband showed up and I have never needed him more! I told him to come hug me and I cried. We started talking a little bit when the room woke up and went crazy.

Before both of us knew it, nurses, doctors, and multiple specialists were in and out of the room.  My blood pressure was 165/110. I was given a magnesium drip (AWFUL) to prevent seizuring, lower my blood pressure and protect baby's neurological system. I got all hooked up to the monitors, they got my belly hooked up to monitors and I was given my first round of steroids. We were then told to make 48 hours our goal and then, for me, time stopped. The magnesium made me feel like what I imagine the date rape drug would be like. I wasn't a person anymore. I was officially "gone". So, my husband was awesome and took in all the information we were being given. Once everything settled for a second, we started calling our immediate family to let them know our situation.

We had a nurse assigned to only us for the night. A short time after calling, our families started to arrive. We spent much of the time explaining what we'd been told, but the bottom line was, the baby will most likely be here in a couple of days to a week.

Tuesday night, I was put on 10 liters of oxygen to see if they could get baby boy's heart rate to stabilize because it had been dipping. The oxygen worked great, but it SUCKED!! I was so dry and not allowed any water or food for fear I would have to have an emergency c section. I was miserable, but took it like a champ because I knew I needed to stay calm and as low stress as possible to give him a fighting chance.

That night, we met with the pediatrician of the NICU and he told us that he had a 13 ounce baby survive and the only long term issue was eye glasses. That was SUCH a RELIEF for us! He's small at an estimated 1.5 pounds, but he could survive! He also told us that we may have a 24 week size baby, but he is really 29 weeks for his development.

By Wednesday morning, my blood pressure and baby's heart rate had completely stabilized. I was given food and DRINKS!!! We continued to have visitors. My husband left to take care of our dogs and grab a few things from our house. It was a nice day given our situation. I was given my second dose of steroids that night and our goal for 24 more hours started.

In the early hours of Thursday morning, I was put back on oxygen because of baby's heart deceleration and my rising blood pressure got me another magnesium drip. Around 6:30 AM we had an ultrasound tech come in to check baby out. He hadn't grown and he was breech. We asked him when baby was coming, but he didn't know.

At about 9 AM, my doctor came for rounds. We were talking like maybe we could wait a while longer, hopefully days, but she dashed that hope when she said, "Baby isn't good! I will find another doctor to assist me and I will see you in the operating room shortly". Our families had begun to arrive and were coming to take turns wishing us good luck and giving us support.

At about 9:45, I was wheeled into the OR to have our son. The doctor told us that we had mere seconds to snap a photo if we wanted because she would get him out and immediately send him through the doors to the NICU team who were waiting for baby in a heated room.

The surgery started at 10:12AM and by 10:16, we had a baby boy. The doctor said, "Get ready! Here he comes!" My husband snapped one picture. I said, "Is that him whimpering?" They told me yes and I started to cry! I was a mommy! He was handed through the doors and they went to work. We had been warned that it could take a couple hours for us to hear anything about his condition because they needed to stabilize him.

My doctor went to work "putting me back together". Whilst doing so, she said, "Where's the rest of it?". I said, "Uhh..the rest of what??". She then told me she'd found our problem. I have a unicornuate uterus, meaning I only have half of a uterus. To say I was blown away was an understatement, but finally, there's some sort of answer as to why I couldn't get pregnant for so long.

Ten minutes after the hand off to the NICU team, the doors opened and she said, "Baby boy is doing great. He's only on C-Pap!" Then the door was closed.

That's really where his story begins, so I'll share that starting soon in small parts. There's a lot to cover in his 124 day NICU stay.

What I've been Up To!

The past couple years I've been blogging over at Miles In Murray. However, given our current situation, I felt this a more appropriate place to come back to.

Not much blogging has happened in a year because well......

I got pregnant in May of 2015 and delivered a beautiful baby boy via emergency C Section on November 12, 2015. He is doing well now. He stayed in the NICU for 124 days, but we've been home almost 7 weeks now.

I will be back to a regularly scheduled blogging schedule starting this afternoon with his birth story. I will also be blogging about my fitness and getting my pre baby body back!