Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Gideon: Day 1 and 2

Gideon was born on November 12 at 10:16 AM weighing 1 lbs 10.9 oz and was 11 1/2" long.

I was taken to recovery for an hour to wait to go to my postpartum room. I was told they would wheel me into in the NICU so Chad and I could see him before we went upstairs to the room. They didn't want everyone to see him and tell me about him, if I hadn't seen him myself. Talk about torture! I was already on a postpartum floor with no baby in my arms. So, I was thankful Chad and I got to see him first.

He was SO beautiful and tiny!
 I was unable to see him most of the day as my epidural still had me completely numb. He did have a few visitors from our families. Even in the state he was in, we were so glad he was stable! I finally got to see him late that night and I just stared at him for a while. The nurse asked what questions we had and truthfully, Chad said, "What kind of questions should we have?". The pure shock and awe of everything happening had us in a place of not knowing what to think or feel, let alone what to ask.

That night Chad and I got a little bit of sleep. It was the first time I'd really slept longer than 20 minutes in 3 days. I didn't sleep long, but it was better than the no sleep I'd been having!

I awoke early feeling a little better. I wanted nothing more than to spend the day at his bedside. However, we were getting visitors early and throughout the day. So, I knew I'd be seeing him a ton.

Chad's cousin came up in the morning and we got to go see him for an hour!!! The longest I'd seen him yet! I asked questions about the monitors and the different machines. We decided to head back to the room so I could get some lunch and rest. We also had more visitors coming.

About 5 minutes after we got back to our room, we got a call on the room phone and Chad answered. All he said was, "What does that mean? We need to come right now? Okay, we are on our way". He hung up the phone and said,"Let's go!!! Something is wrong with the baby!!!!!". I asked what and he told me he didn't know. So, I put on slippers and we were off to the NICU!

When we got there, life flight was in the room. There were a number of doctors and nurses hurrying and swarming about. One of them had me sit down to fill out paperwork and sign saying I consented to a flight up to Primary Children's Hospital. They explained that he had a spontaneous bowel perforation and would be needing emergency surgery that they didn't perform in the hospital we were at.

Chad asked if he had to just drive up there and they told him he could go with Gideon on the life flight. We were understandably a mess! I don't think I've ever held onto Chad so tight in my life. They gave me a minute to talk to him. I told him he was a strong boy and everything was going to be okay. I told him I loved him and I would see him soon. Then, just like that, my 2 boys were off. I wouldn't see them again for 28 hours!

I think a lot of our family was worried about me because I "turned off" my feelings. I went back to my room and visited with our families. Most left to Primary Children's, which was fine by me because Chad needed all the support he could get! I, on the other hand, wasn't processing what was happening. I didn't feel alive at that point, I was just existing. I spent my time waiting for updates and having our "celebratory meal" with my mom and her friend. I was a basket case. I wanted the time to hurry, so I could go be with my boys.

After a few hours, Chad finally called and said the surgery was complete and went well. He was just waiting to go back and see the baby! A short time later, I got the most amazing picture of our boy!
 I know some wouldn't consider this amazing, but I could finally see his face and know that he was okay!!! He looks exactly like his Daddy in this picture too! I commented that this was like looking at his daddy in a little box.

At 7PM, Chad said he was going to go get some rest and I thought he would call me soon. He didn't call for 12 hours!!! Ha ha! I was so happy he got some sleep because I knew one of us needed it and I was still getting blood taken 2 times a day and medicine every 3 to 4 hours. So, I think I slept 4 hours total that night.

The next morning we talked about discharge and my parent's made a good point. I just had a c-section and I've got tons of stairs and dogs that could hit my incision. So, we talked about it and kind of felt like 1 more day in the hospital would be for the best. I hated that decision, but I could understand how, for me, that would be best.

Chad FINALLY CALLED and I asked how he slept and he said he was asleep the whole time! He was just getting up and then was going to go see Gideon. I told him I would be 1 more night in the hospital and he said that that was the best choice too.

About an hour later, the attending physician came by and asked if I wanted to go home. Then she said something that made even more sense. I was getting out of bed alone. I was walking more than was recommended around the hospital wing and all they were doing for me was handing me medicine. I said, "Get me the hell out of here NOW!!!" I called Chad bawling and told him I was on my way, I just needed to be discharged.

My dad came to help me up to the hospital. I was buzzing around the room packing and getting everything ready. I filled out the birth certificate and discharge papers and then...I waited and waited and waited. From the time I told them I wanted to be discharged to the time I was discharged was about 4 to 5 hours! Ugh...get me the hell outta here was all that was on my mind! My dad had to keep telling me to sit down because I was going to hurt myself. I didn't listen though, I had places to go and a baby (and husband) to see!

About 2 o'clock we were on the road for the 30 minute drive to see my boys. That 30 minutes I remember feeling anxious, scared, excited, and sick. I was just ready to see my baby with my own eyes after so long being away from him. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him it would all be okay. However, I knew that wasn't going to be possible. I knew I'd just be standing there looking at him.

Seeing my husband was the best feeling ever. He was standing there waiting anxiously for me. We hugged tighter than ever before. I was tearing up from being so happy to see him, and of course, all of the things we were going through. I wanted to run to our boy, but I had to check in. I remember feeling so anxious and my nerves had me bouncing up and down.

Once check in was done, it was upstairs to wash up and time to finally(!!!!!!!!!) see the baby!! In just 28 hours he looked so different. He had more tubes, more wires and a perfect little ostomy bag. He was intubated, which means he was on a machine doing the breathing for him. He looked so good for being so small. The nurses said they expected to see a more fragile baby, but couldn't believe how great his skin and everything looked.

I stayed with him for a little while. We had visitors in and out, but I stayed bedside, until my husband said I needed to get some food and rest. I obliged. We went to the cafe and hung out with the family over some dinner. Then, back up to see Gideon one more time before going home.

Leaving the hospital the first night was weird. I left empty handed. There was no baby to get out when we got home. I still had a slightly swollen belly and staples, but my arms would be empty. I remember telling myself that I had to just be strong and "hang in there". 'He'll be out of the hospital in 10 to 12 weeks' I would tell myself over and over again. 'I can do 10 to 12 weeks' I told myself. What I didn't know was that our story was truly only just beginning and that 10 to 12 weeks would turn into a scary, up and down 17 week ride.