Prepared

Thank you for all of the kind comments on my last post! I am doing okay, still having moments of horrible sadness, but that is to be expected.

I think had I still been who I was before this journey, I would be eating to get comfort and I am sure gaining quite a bit of weight. This time, it's just different. I eat right and exercise because I WANT TO! I want to feel the runner's high, I want to look good in my clothes, I want to have an outlet for my stress and mostly I want to live! I believe that me being on this journey has helped me deal with all of this stress going on in my life. I don't cry like I used to. I don't stress nearly as much as I used to. I laugh MORE than I used to. I love myself now! It's an amazing feeling and one I will never lose :)

Last night, I made chili. Now, it may not sound like a big deal, but the biggest meal I have ever made by myself was chicken and rice. So, chili is quite a big step! I used ground turkey, kidney beans, green peppers, onions, chili powder(Love's dads chili powder...seriously amazing), cumin, salt and pepper. Oh, and a little sugar(my mom's secret recipe). It sat in the crock pot for 9 hours and it smells sooooo good! I haven't tried it yet, but I am so excited to.

After starting the chili, I cut up an orange, yellow, green, and red pepper for snacks. I also cut up a cucumber. Today, I brought a little of each with some garlic artichoke hummus for my afternoon snack! I am loving this snack as an option. It's low cal and gets more veggies into my day :)

I am going on a 3.5 mile run today(didn't run saturday or sunday) after work and I am excited! I have "Dessa" on my iPod now and she makes the runs go by so quickly, I love it!

I will be catching up on my reading and commmenting through out the day! Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the love and hugs! You all make this rough time easier!

The Moment That Almost Destroyed Me>.....

So, as some of you may remember, when I first started blogging my parents suddenly told me they were getting divorced(after almost 30 years of marriage)! To say I was crushed is an understatement!! I walked around for a week in a daze of confusion, sadness, guilt, anxiety and denial. I was in the middle of training for a 10k and I didn't exercise once...not even an attempt...that entire week. I cried every single day, I feared that my own relationship would end the same as theirs did. Love and I had had problems before my parents told me about their divorce and my heart hurt to think that Love and I couldn't make it through anything! I didn't sleep well, I didn't eat much....I kind of just existed!

Then, came the back story. My 2 brothers saw it coming for years. Momma and Daddy's love died years ago. I had moved out 2 years prior and I had no clue! I thought that they would be the ones that made it, the eternal love. They didn't.....they gave up on the same day!

I realized a lot about myself that week. I opened my eyes to a lot of my weaknesses. I also realized that I have drive to not let myself or my weaknesses take advantage of me for the rest of my life. So, I took action!

I started talking to Love more about everything(after being closed off for so long), I worked on my weaknesses and continue to do so, but the 1 thing I really did was take my healthy lifestyle change to a whole new level. I got a gym membership and have used it all but maybe 10 days(minus Sundays when the gym is closed) in almost 2 months. I started eating according to my hunger and schedule, rather than eating my feelings or even NOT eating at all! I have lost almost 7 pounds and I am continuing to run!

I refuse to get down even with all of the stuff that comes up about my parents everyday! I am a happy person on a journey, taking control back of my life. I have grown immensely in a matter of 3 months! I am taking my life, my Love and my training to an all new high!

I refuse to lay down and give up! I refuse to wallow! I refuse to take my anger out on others! I refuse to put my feelings away like they don't matter!! I refuse to not live my life to the fullest!!

Thank you all for all of the support you have given me. It has meant the world to me and really you all inspired me to continue on and not give up!!