Tuesday, December 22, 2009

My Battle with Weight....

I don't believe I have shared "My Struggle with Weight"!

I grew up an extremely active child. I was a dancer, cheerleader, softball player, and avid bike rider(and a scar on my lip to prove it haha). I wasn't a heavy child and I didn't eat terrible. I loved fruits and veggies, and ate them often.

When I was 12, my aunt passed away and that rocked my families world. All of us began battling different things...alcohol addiction, depression, loneliness, and food addiction. We went from being a family that ate at home to a family that constantly ate fast food. I battled bulimia and anorexia for the next 4 years. I found myself getting thinner, paler and began losing my hair. I still felt huge, but I was tired of living like that. So, I asked my parents for help. They didn't believe that I needed help and told me to go "eat a cheeseburger"! I believe a lot of that was that they were in so much emotional pain that none of us were thinking clearly and we couldn't help ourselves, let alone help each other.

I am thankful that I was not helped, because after that day, I started helping myself. I had days where I wouldn't eat and would revert back to minor bouts of anorexia, but I just kept pulling myself  back up and reminding myself that it was not the right way for me to live. I went on an up and down roller coaster.

At 16, I began eating my feelings. I ate my feelings and upon high school graduation day, I weighed in at 175 pounds. I am 4'11'' tall. Ironically, I didn't care. I was so tired of worrying about my weight.

I began working 2 jobs. I worked from 10AM-12AM most days of the week with a 30 minute break from 3-4. I remember one day about 3 months after starting that schedule that my size 16 jeans were literally falling off. So, I decided I needed to go buy some new pants. I had gone from a size 16 to a size 10 in 3 months. The reason? I was "too busy" to eat much on most days. Not the safest way to lose weight, but it happened without me noticing.

I was 19 at the time and decided it was time for me to get healthy and lose the weight the right way. I went to the gym EVERY DAY for 2 months and lost nothing...NADA....NILCH. I was so upset that I just gave up and quit going, I gave up on me.

The next 3 years were nothing short of a blur. A blur of parties, alcohol, friends, bars, and late night stops at sconecutter after leaving the bars. I had a blast, but I also knew I was getting pretty heavy. Sometime in those 3 years I did try a phentermine pill that I dropped 12 pounds using. Bringing my weight to 135ish. I was happy at this point just living and working. Not truly happy, but I felt like I was happy nonetheless.

When I met My Love, I was 155 pounds. We got serious pretty quickly. I went from bar hopping, late night eating, fast food loving heavy girl to early dinner, no snacking, no drinking 10 pounds lighter girl in about 6 months. I have kept the weight off for 2.5 years now and I have actually taken the next step and am losing more weight.

Ultimately when I get to 120, I will reevaluate my fitness/weight loss goals. I do know for sure that I still eat my feelings on occasion and am also lazy some days, but one thing is for sure.


1 comment:

LosingThe40 (Nicole) said...

Thanks for sharing your story :)