Friday, January 22, 2010

The Moment That Almost Destroyed Me>.....

So, as some of you may remember, when I first started blogging my parents suddenly told me they were getting divorced(after almost 30 years of marriage)! To say I was crushed is an understatement!! I walked around for a week in a daze of confusion, sadness, guilt, anxiety and denial. I was in the middle of training for a 10k and I didn't exercise once...not even an attempt...that entire week. I cried every single day, I feared that my own relationship would end the same as theirs did. Love and I had had problems before my parents told me about their divorce and my heart hurt to think that Love and I couldn't make it through anything! I didn't sleep well, I didn't eat much....I kind of just existed!

Then, came the back story. My 2 brothers saw it coming for years. Momma and Daddy's love died years ago. I had moved out 2 years prior and I had no clue! I thought that they would be the ones that made it, the eternal love. They didn't.....they gave up on the same day!

I realized a lot about myself that week. I opened my eyes to a lot of my weaknesses. I also realized that I have drive to not let myself or my weaknesses take advantage of me for the rest of my life. So, I took action!

I started talking to Love more about everything(after being closed off for so long), I worked on my weaknesses and continue to do so, but the 1 thing I really did was take my healthy lifestyle change to a whole new level. I got a gym membership and have used it all but maybe 10 days(minus Sundays when the gym is closed) in almost 2 months. I started eating according to my hunger and schedule, rather than eating my feelings or even NOT eating at all! I have lost almost 7 pounds and I am continuing to run!

I refuse to get down even with all of the stuff that comes up about my parents everyday! I am a happy person on a journey, taking control back of my life. I have grown immensely in a matter of 3 months! I am taking my life, my Love and my training to an all new high!

I refuse to lay down and give up! I refuse to wallow! I refuse to take my anger out on others! I refuse to put my feelings away like they don't matter!! I refuse to not live my life to the fullest!!

Thank you all for all of the support you have given me. It has meant the world to me and really you all inspired me to continue on and not give up!!


Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

I'm so sorry about what you've had to go through but clearly it's made you a better and stronger person! Good for you for being so brave :)

Foodie Girl said...

Aw sweetie! I am sorry to hear about your parents. It's hard to go through. I mean, they are suppose to stay together forever.

You are such a good person. It takes courage to figure out where one can improve themselves, especially when it comes to relationships.

You inspire ME!

karen@fitnessjourney said...

That must have been devastating news to hear. It is natural to have that kind of reaction at first. The important thing is that you realize that while you can't control your parent's divorce, you can control your reaction to it. You are reacting in a positive way. I remember once seeing the fitness professional, Kathy Smith, talking about how she turned to exercise after her parents were killed in a plane crash. I thought that it was wonderful that she chose a positive outlet for her feelings. You are doing the same. Good for you.

Lisa said...

Ahhhh I like you! I feel like you are a long lost friend of mine! That may sound a little weird but I just feel like I understand you and what you blog about. I am so sorry to hear that. You are actually so strong to look at it the way you are and not let it defeat you. Hope you are having a wonderful weekend :)

Tiff said...

I think that is what so much of these journey's are about "living life to the fullest." My parents are divorced as well and it can be something that rocks your very foundation. I'm glad that you are remaining positive and enjoying your life! You deserve it :)

Anonymous said...

You are staying positive and that is great! You are learning from your life experiences and not letting it get the best of you. Way to go!!